Do Better Conclusion: I'm not done.
This is part 10, and the conclusion of a series of articles on sexual harassment, assault, and discrimination in financial services. You can read more about the genesis of the project, as well as the other installments to date on the series landing page.
I have tried to write this “conclusion” installment of the Do Better series at least a dozen times. I want to tell you what I've learned in collecting, writing, and publishing the stories and solutions. I want to share what I’ve noticed from readers. I want to answer the common questions I've received. But to unpack all of that is too much for one article. And it is far too much for me to get my mind around all at once. Turns out that there's no way to put a tidy little bow on such an enormous issue.
Naively, I thought that I could write about sexual harassment, assault, and discrimination, expose issues keeping financial services from being an inclusive industry, neatly wrap up this topic, and be done. What I can see now is that I'm not done. There is more work to do here, and I feel called to do it in a way I have not felt about any of my prior work. I'll be continuing to work in and advocate in this space in 2020, so this is not the "conclusion" that I thought I would have, but instead the start of a broader conversation.
Still, I want to share some of my thoughts as I wrap up this first chapter of the Do Better discussion.
7 salient themes I found while compiling and publishing the series
Women want to be heard.
Historically, it has not been safe for us to publicly share our stories of harassment, assault, and discrimination. We are carrying the stories with us, sometimes for decades, and the secrecy and shame is damaging. Telling the stories releases some of that heavy burden and is healing. This comment from one of the women of the series is representative of feedback I received. "I didn't realize how emotional it would be for me to see those words in black and white. Thank you for allowing me to finally have a voice."
Harassment, assault, and discrimination damages the whole industry.
Many of the stories in the series (as well as conversations the series inspired) share a common thread of women leaving roles they wanted, speaking up less, and taking less calculated risks. Collectively this adds up to a stunning loss of ideas and talent in our industry.
It happens at companies big and small.
I anonymized the stories but, before that saw many of the company names and can tell you that almost all the big bank and investment companies are represented in the stories, as were small RIAs.
Alcohol isn’t the reason.
Part 2 of the series focuses on bad behavior at financial conferences. One of the common reactions I heard was that alcohol is to blame for many incidents and women shouldn’t go to networking events that have alcohol. Stories in later installments show that the same level of harassment happens in the office, at client dinners, etc. Alcohol may exacerbate bad behavior but it isn’t an excuse. Women should be able to network with men - this is often how career growth happens and business deals get done - without fearing for their safety.
Men’s reactions were varied.
Many men were shocked and horrified by the stories. They called me, emailed me, and messaged me. I know the series has inspired many thoughtful conversations in financial services offices.
Some men, who spent significant amounts of their careers at wirehouses, told me they were not surprised as they had witnessed this kind of behavior themselves.
One thing I found in common in many of the responses from men was that they came to me to process their shock, sadness, and frustration. I was honored to help where I could but didn't have the bandwidth to help everyone and it strikes me that men want resources to help Do Better, and they may also need a place to process their emotions around this topic.
Another common response from men was, “I’d never do anything like this. I just keep my head down and work.” I appreciate that step, but it is not enough. We need you to pick your head up and fight for a better industry. See what is happening; be the difference. Do better.
Numbers don't change behavior.
There’s a common saying that “numbers don’t lie” but what I’ve noticed is that they also don’t drive behavior changes. A variety of industry surveys show that a higher percentage of women report prevalence of harassment in the industry. Those numbers don't appear to change men's minds. Since most men don’t have direct experience with harassment, assault, and discrimination in the workplace, the next closest thing to drive empathy is hearing the experiences of people they know and trust. Being able to use my own reputation and the trust I've built in service of sharing other women's experiences has been very powerful.
I was wrong, and I’m glad.
After six months of compiling stories and writing, I had the first 7 installments of the series fully drafted in mid September; I posted the introduction as a draft to my blog in late September. All I had to do was hit the publish button but I hesitated over and over. I didn't want to publish it because I was scared of two things, neither of which came true.
The first is obvious- I was afraid of the backlash I would receive. I was afraid that saying all the things that women have been taught to stay silent about would damage my career, and that I would get horrible backlash. Trusted mentors told me the project was not a good idea for me professionally and other women worried with me when I told them about the series. I was so nervous that when I finally hit the publish button late on the night of October 16, that I almost vomited. But the anticipated backlash didn’t happen. Of course I've received a few angry messages, and my Twitter trolls have new fodder, but apart from that the reception has been overwhelmingly positive and the readership has been much larger than I ever expected.
My second fear was that I was afraid that the only people who would read the posts would be women; and women already understand these issues. That didn't happen either. Women read them and many found them cathartic. And men read them too. They read them, shared them, wrote about them, interviewed me about them.
I was wrong about my fears and I am grateful I pushed through them.
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I wrote the series because I felt called to use my unique combination of experience, skills, network, and platform to have a candid and public discussion about harassment, assault, and discrimination in financial services.. I used the series to call attention to problems not enough people could see. We can’t fix a problem we don’t understand.
I wrote the series, not just for me, but for all of the women in financial services- those whose stories are here, and those whose stories are not here, women who opted out of this industry after the weight of the harassment and discrimination was too
much, and those who have continued on in the industry despite the disrespect. I'll continue to have this conversation with all of those women in mind.
Now that we collectively have a better understanding of the systemic problems, I’m ready to start thinking more deeply about solutions. I want to play a role in creating a more inclusive industry. I know you do too. See you in 2020 and let's all Do Better.
If your company is working on this issue, I would be happy to share learning resources, and I would be pleased to help you advance the conversation at your next conference or event.